Discourse Taken from an Audio Recording of Calasanz
"For the first time in my life I will give you an idea why, why in this world or in the world I could still be here."
Even before my career I was well received and well known. I was known even as a child for singing and dancing. It was one thing I did for a little money from one time to another. I would end up performing lots of places. When I came to America as a student at University of Bridgeport they immediately asked me to give a demonstration for the Freshman class of several thousand. The University thereafter allowed me use of their gymnasium to use and to teach in. They even bought several swords for me including nihontō [and others] to use to perform weapons forms at later demonstrations and events.
...as a natural performer being so well known and being a guy like that, doing all this stuff and then being here... why in the world didn't I try to at least travel or at least go by car to California when Ron Howard called me twice to give me an address. "Just go there." He told me. JCVD had someone flown all the way here to give me an audition...
All is based on one thing, that I am terrorized of water, and even more so I am terrorized of a car driving under a tunnel. I don't even know how they'd get you out if it collapsed. How do you avoid tunnels? Airplanes. I am fine in airplanes when it is over land, but when it gets over water it's just pure terror. Not scared. Terror.
High rises... when I get to about 4 or 5 floors up I think "Yes, if I have to jump I can survive." After 6 or 7 now I'm not so sure.
So there are a lot of things that have to be said so that people understand when they find me on google or wherever and see that I am doing what I do still. They come here and say to me, "Calasanz do you know that you are supposed to be more famous than [____________]? What the hell!" And I know why, because I stayed in Connecticut. Why didn't I get out? And all the time I just tell them "Scared of airplane."
This is the first time that I go out and say it, that I am scared of the outside because I am scared of getting into trouble. I have a temper. Back on the island I was known by people, that you do not insult a lady in front of me because I am going to make you suffer.
So when I think about what I am going to encounter on the outside, am I going to confront a jerk? Will I have to stay quiet to avoid problems because I do not like to be in trouble? You see, because it takes me 5 or 6 days to recover. When I see something like that and I have to stay quiet it eats at me and I have a lot of trouble letting it go and that drains me. Its debilitating.
As I was filming "Crossing the Line" locally in Norwalk a guy was coming down the street and saw me. He ran for his life because he knew me and he didn't know what I might do to him. He went into the first hole he could find, a store or a restaurant or something. Not because he was scared but out of respect. He did that out of respect not because he was scared.
So when you go to the reality of it and ask "Why isn't Calasanz out of here?" it is much more than just airplanes.